Life
Life will always have its up and downs, but when will the downs stop? From the first things I can remember it has always been to be true to your heart and great to the woman in your life. Where have I gone wrong? Maybe a better question may be where have I gone right? I have always tried to be a good person but it never seems to be the right thing for me. Why? That's a question I will ask myself until the day I die. Some days I wish that day would get here quicker than others. This is not something that a person like me should ever think of but when you have lived a life like mine you would question why I am still around today. That's something I can't even answer. I just don't know where I go wrong in life. Not just in relationships but everything. Now I can't even manage to find a job so I may support not only myself but the woman in my life who I absolutely adore. Relationships for me are like eating. It looks really good for awhile then you consume all you have and eventually it passes on like the last meal. I do give everything I have when it comes to the girl in my life. I really try to give her everything I possibly can. For some reason nothing I do is ever enough for her and I really don't know how to handle it anymore
Why should I live my life always feeling like a total loser because no matter what I do it's never the right thing? I just don't get it and maybe I never will. I pray that when I die I may look into her beautiful eyes so she can see me once more and tell her just how much I love her. I want her to know that I have always been honest with her and that the love that I felt for her was a love like I have never felt before. This road I'm not sure even involves me anymore and if this is the road I'm forced to travel then I could only hope that the road I choose has a bright light awaiting me at the end. I sometimes wish that other car would swerve in my lane and hit me so I could finally have some peace and put my mind at ease. I just wish life was easier so we could find the love that we both need so very much. I'm at a point in my life where I really don't care what happens to me anymore. Why doesn't she love me like I love her? I honestly think that I'm a good guy even when she questions why I would think that. What I tell her is what I speak from my heart and if my heart shall stop beating today may the sound of my voice caress her soul with every breath she takes. Its all about her sometimes and this is one time I really wish it wasn't all about just her. In love is it ever too much to ask for a kiss goodbye? Or is it too much to roll over and kiss the person you love goodnight? These are simple things in life if you ask me but from what I've learned some people think these simple tasks are a hassle or maybe it's just that giving a kiss to the person you share a bed with is not the person that you truly love. Have I ever found true love? I honestly believe I have with Ashlee. I know that she thinks that everything I tell her I something that I have told another girl in my life and in some circumstances it may have been but the love that I have when I tell her these things is something that those other girls where never lucky enough to have gotten from me. I do love her very much and I think that she knows this. Maybe this is a realization that I need to learn to live with weather I want to or not.
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