i want a wife

Instead of finding a woman who I honor for her intelligence, personality, and beauty I think I’ll just send away for one of those brides who comes to your door in the prime of her life with her noise powdered, pearls on, and sexy heels that will look great when she’s scrubbing my oven. The second I loosen the bow from around her face she’ll be running around the house gathering up those dirty clothes from the kids room and have them laundered and folded within the hour.

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I want her to be sure to affix my neck with garlic and a crucifix and hide the dog before my stepparents arrive. I want a wife because she will not require thanks: simply seeing me happy is enough for my wife. Then I hop into the Lexus and go to my tough job in my expansive office on the executive floor which is so high up in the building I sometimes get nosebleeds from gazing out my window at the skyline. Actually it would be really great if she could just brush my teeth so I won’t have to worry about that either. ” Later, when the sparkling kitchen floors are once again revealed, I’ll find her knitting me a sweater of soft wool for the coming winter in my favorite shade fuchsia. I want a wife who I can knock down like that cheap, braided rug beneath my feet.

I need a wife who can fix my “friends from work” and me the most luscious margaritas to sip on as we chat in the Jacuzzi. My wife will spend her plethora of free time braiding a rug out of strips of our old clothes. As I leave the house she gives me a thoughtful, nutritious sack lunch that I probably won’t ever eat and a kiss on the cheek.

After a hard day at work I’ll come home to find her reorganizing the kitchen cabinets and I tell her, “ That will be great when you get everything put up and out of the way. I told her this morning I wanted ten new pairs of those sexy bikinis from Victoria’s Secret for my business trip to Aruba; she bought eleven and now she’s stitching my initials in the corner in contrasting colors.

When I get hungry she will appear at the foot of my recliner with a tray of my favorite food prepared especially for me before I even ask for it; she’ll hand it to me with a wink and smile. I don’t care if my wife is to stupid to find her own teeth- as long as she can find mine. When I get up in the morning my wife will have a breakfast buffet set up with hot, fresh pastries; pancakes; fruit; eggs: scrambled, poached, sunny-side-up, and fried so I can decide which I want; bacon; sausage; and fresh milk she just got from the cow out back.

Common topics in this essay:
, Angela Hardy, Victorias Secret,

Approximate Word count = 630
Approximate Pages = 3 (250 words per page double spaced)

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