Significant family event
Perhaps one of the most significant events to happen recently in myfamily took place about two years ago, when my brother, Zeb, who came outto my mother about being gay. He admitted that he and his best friend Mattwere actually lovers, and explained that he wanted my parents to be able toaccept that the same way they would accept a heterosexual relationship. Forsome families, perhaps, this would not have been either particularlypleasant or particularly difficult. However, within the scope of my familyit was particularly significant, and almost destroyed my parents marriage.It has taken almost two years for my family to achieve some equilibrium Zeb's admission impacted everyone in the family. My mother seemed tobe most accepting, and was mainly worried about him. Zeb says that she felta great sense of loss because she wanted him to have a family and to havegrandchildren for her. She also seemed convinced that if he was gay hewould be lonely his entire life, have trouble in society, and probably getAIDS. She believed that homosexuality was morally wrong, but she said sheloved him too much to let it come between them. Nonetheless, she went
My father also felt that this mean thedeath of the family line, in a way, because my brother was the fourth in afather-son line where every boy had the same first and last name -- now hewould never have a son of his own. While my brother was an important part ofthe family, and still is, it seems that his being gay should not haveproved so much of a threat to my parent's relationships with each other. (Zebwas still underage at the time) My father also threatened to call the copson my brother's lover, though he finally realized there was probablynothing they could do. The parental subsystem was also severely stressed. My parents hadan unspoken agreement that mother would be both the nurturer and the one incharge of enforcing the family morality, which allowed my father to spendmore quality time with us when he was home. My brother had always been thepeacemaker. I am glad to report that some level of homeostasis was reached. This may havebeen because my father seemed to blame her for Zeb's "decision," sayingthat she had babied him too much. Thesibling subsystem was very definitely stressed because while I did notresent his being gay, I did resent the position he put me in with ourparents. From this situation I learned a lot about the importance of acceptingother people as they are, but perhaps more importantly about learning notto base one's individual's sense of worth and family coherency on thechoices of any one individual. Iwould advise anyone else in our situation to try to understand thatwhatever one family member chooses, that does not devaluate the choices andrelationships of the remainder of the family. Heordered Zeb out of the house, and only relented on letting him stay therewhen my mother threatened to leave as well if her son was kicked out. My father had always felt that he was the patriarch in charge ofguiding and protecting the sibling subsystem, and he had always been fairand generous about it before this. Some of the important steps to achieving balance included havingenough space and reading and learning about the situation.
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Acceptance Essays
