PERSONAL ASSERTIVENESS IN BUSINESS COMMUNICATIONS
Assertiveness is a necessary quality for success in virtually anyfield, and it is often helpful in non-business dealings and relationships,the other hand, assertiveness is a double-edged sword, because in someseveral elements required for assertiveness can cross the line into Confidence is a necessary component of being assertive, because oneable to articulate his position, in the first place. Even in normalinteractions, lack of confidence can undermine one's ability to functionbecause a characteristic feature of lacking confidence is reluctance toone's self, verbally. Substantially more confidence is required innegotiations, or in any exchange of differing points of view, in Occasionally, someone utterly lacking confidence attempts to adoptmore assertive speech patterns, but their mannerisms and body languagethem away after a short time. They may try to overcompensate by attemptingdominate situations, or to assert themselves early, purely as a control
Experiments wheresubjects viewedfilms of negotiations and social exchanges without being able to hear anyof the actualconversation establish that confidence (and its absence) are transmittedveryperceptively, merely by virtue of visual cues. Ultimately, the shyperson wholearns to mimic some of the body language of confidence benefits in twoways: hislearned mannerisms complement his attempts to maintain assertive verbaltones, andthey boost his internal feelings of confidence, which only aides himfurther. succeed in maintaining the charade, because only the grossaspects ofsocial interaction (such as the choice of when to speak or how loud) arereadilycontrollable in this manner. Ultimately, naturally assertive people require almost as muchpracticeavoiding the appearance of inappropriate aggression as naturally shyindividualsrequire practice hiding or suppressing some of their submissive tendencieswhilemimicking some of the behaviors that come naturally to more assertivespeakers. (Zimbardo, 1987) Another classic feature of conversation dynamics between moreassertivespeakers and their less assertive counterparts is that less assertiveindividuals tend tomirror the behaviors of more assertive individuals: they shift in theirseats after themore assertive person does so first, and they characteristically cross oruncross theirarms and even take sips of water from the cups in front of them after themoreassertive parties to the conversation do so first. While shy people must overcome their discomfort expressing (ordefending)themselves, naturally confident people must often practice restraint sothat theirassertive mannerisms are not misconstrued as abrasiveness or excessiveaggression. Thisprompts adefensive reaction on the part of the original speaker to regain control. (Carnegie,1981) Effective negotiators also learn to balance their assertiveness withmannerismsand gestures that reassure their target audience and lessen the likelihoodthat they willbe perceived as overly aggressive, which is counterproductive in many ofthe sameways that interrupting is. Self-defense instructors are expert in teaching people to pretend tobe moreconfident than they are through the use of specific gestures and posturesthatcommunicate strength rather than fear, and some of the very same principlesapply toverbal negotiations and social interactions. At the sametime, others who might have been following the original speaker experienceaninterruption of their train of thought, so it undermines their receptivityto theinterrupter as well, even if they weren't actually interrupted themselves,because itestablishes the interrupter as someone who is not willing to participate inthe naturalflow, or the expected give and take of social communications. (Fast, 1971)Timing is crucial too, precisely because some of the very same gesturesthatcomplement assertive speakers may have the exact opposite effect,communicatinga lack of confidence and a need for approval when inserted elsewhere duringaverbal exchange, or, especially, in conjunction with submissive speechpatterns. (Gerrig, 2001) Even for confident people, appropriate assertiveness is partly alearned socialskill. The more naturally assertive the speaker, the more careful he needs tobe inorder to avoid "overkill" with behavioral mannerisms (such as clenchedfists andglaring at one's audience) that can easily come across as aggression whencombinedwith assertive verbal cues and overall demeanor. (Carnegie, 1981) It may seem counterintuitive, but one important tool employed bypeople whoare effectively assertive is listening to other people.
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