How to Flunk Out
Flunking out of college might be easy for some students, but for others the process proves difficult. To flunk out swiftly and efficiently requires skills many students do not have, including an insane ability to drink and do drugs. Receiving failing grades demands a conscientious effort to undo years of good habits. Students, especially those who enjoy learning, need to follow a few simple guidelines if they hope to fail. First, you must take absolutely no interest in your classes to the point where falling asleep becomes easy and effortless even when the professor is watching. To snooze in class, with or without sound effects like snoring, is surprisingly taboo. The professor will feel gravely insulted and your fellow students will be more than annoyed by the grating sound of your sleep apnea acting up in class. When you start getting the hang of falling asleep in your seat, though, you will be one step closer to fulfilling your goal. One way of ensuring that you sleep soundly in the classroom is to stay up all night, prefera
Try to make as much noise as possible during parties, and throw them mid-week. When possible, invite your friend's band to play because the drummer will enervate everyone in the dorm. You may be spending the rest of your life in a job that requires no thought, though, if you remain committed to your goal of flunking out swiftly and efficiently. You might find that the Dean's office calls you even before your grades start to flounder. Partying is in fact the second step toward flunking out fast. If you happened to not have any fun the night before, you can at least dream about the next party. If your professors and deans are nicer than you thought they were, then keep up your good work and if necessary proceed to step four. Your friends will love you for it, and you can help them flunk out of college too. Third, plagiarize and cheat wherever and whenever possible. If you are not yet a seasoned party fiend then you might need some practice. You will invoke the ire of many students and campus staff but they will envy you once they see your bags packed and ready to head out into the real world. Be as belligerent as you possibly can and soon you will be kicked out of school. If they don't, then you are doing a good job of phasing yourself out of the educational institution you paid so much money to already.
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