The other night I was takin the trash out. I heard ol'
             Bessie, my cow carryin on like there was a snake in her
             pin. I ran over and I said "Bessie, you best hush up!"
             That's when I seen it. It was a round hunk of metal flyin
             through the sky. At first I thought it was the top of my
             grain bin. That's where I've been keepin my manure that I
             use on m'gardern. I thought to myself "Oh Boy!
             Someone's done thrown a match in there. That's when
             this little green light shot right down from it and burn up
             my okra patch. All of a sudden where that little green light
             was, these creatures walked out. I ran in and got my
             When I came back out, they said sumpthin like "Take
             me to your leader." I told `em "I don't know much about
             takin' you to my leader but they're fixin to meet their
             maker if they didn't get on out of here. Then they made
             the ugliest fact at me and started talkin Japanese back and
             forth at each other. All of a sudden I heard Bessie again,
             but when I looked over, they zapped that poor ol' cow up
             to their hunk of metal spacecraft. I told `em they better
             put her back or I was gonna call the UFO sightings hotline
             on them like I did on all of their friends. I said " I know
             about all of your tests you run on them poor animals like
             Bessie cause I've been watchin' the X-Files on my big 10
             inch black and white TV." Then they started gibbering
             back and forth again and I'll be dang if they didn't zap my
             old John Deere up on that ship too. That's when I got
             really mad. I think they understood English too cause
             when I told em what I thought of that spaceship, they
             started shootin' that laser gun at me. I said "Yowweee!!!"
             Then I took off runnin' up the hill.
             I guess they must've realized how big my shotgun
             was cause they got back in their ship and took off for the
             sky. Everything's been pretty normal since then, except
             my wife, Bell, got meaner `cause I make her pull th...

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