Focus Man
I am an experienced "type-A" personality. This desire to control my environment was passed down as other families pass down china antique china. . I forfeited my youth for the illusion of power and control. From the outside looking in, it looks as if I would feel deprived, but you never miss what you have never had. I decided early that drugs were not conducive to complete control. At 19 years old, I experienced the freedom of releasing that control. On Valentines' Day weekend, my fiance decided that we would drive from Austin, TX to Houston, TX for a romantic weekend. I abhorred long car rides, because I would be fearful about how many drivers were either drunk or exhausted. This anxiousness would lead to recurrent panic attacks, which always led to frequent stops so that I could catch my breath, hence a very long ride. The first time I tried marijuana, it was under duress. My fiance', Dwayne, was fond of the "altered" states. He had tried throughout our relationship to
This trip he was resolute on my trying marijuana, because he refused to stop the car until we reached Houston. I did not care whether the other drivers were inebriated or tired. I began to take him seriously when he truly refused to stop no matter how much I begged. I could actually hear the definite lyrics of each song. I was so wound up that I did not experience the signature coughing spasms of first-timers, I just felt a warming sensation of my ears. I released myself to behave as I felt, when I experienced it. After about an hour, I was an emotional mess. The lines on the road and the hum of the tires soothed me. I was relaxed enough to be 19 years-old. I did not have visions of big fiery car accidents around the next bend. Perception took the place of panic. Unlike the 'embarrassed' warming sensation; more of the sinking just below the surface in a bathtub. At times, I was able to distinguish each instrument being performed, which was amazing. I began to release my shoulders from their tense stance.
Common topics in this essay:
Houston TX,
,
Pandora's Box,
Valentines' Day,
refused stop,
warming sensation,
|
Acceptance Essays
