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SortieThis story had a lot of good ideas but I couldn’t really follow what was going on. I thought that the narrative paragraphs made complete sense…. Then I would get to the dialogue and be scratching my head. I think the dialogue is where you lost me. Your character has a good strong voice… I can feel her emotions. Also your descriptions of people and the coffee shop were really good. I knew exactly what it l . . .
I didn’t feel like the story had good movement… it didn’t seem to flow very well. I realized that you were saying something about the concept of life and how different people were but I guess I didn’t really understand what you wanted me to understand. I couldn’t figure out the general motive of the story… or really the plot. It seemed like you were jumping back and forth between different fragments of this girls life…. One thing that may help the story just look better is the font…. The story was really funny though. Maybe if you just shaped up the dialogue a bit it would be a masterpiece. She was hilarious… I just got lost when she started talking. That was the only thing that I think was really wrong with the story. However, I could have just totally missed the entire point. And I could really follow the general ideas. I really loved the girls character…. | |||
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Approximate Word count = 277
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