eating disorders
Knowing the fact that no human could be perfect, my determination to accomplish the impossible was merely unstoppable. I would never be satisfied with any of my accomplishments for they were never perfect enough. Instead of giving myself a pat on the back for the amount of effort I put into the work, I would pin point on the little imperfections I made. I thought putting my self- esteem down would literally make me accomplish my life goal. My term of being the "perfectionist" was to be accepted by everyone. My desire for being accepted in the society made me compare myself to the models and actresses that played the role of "perfectionism". These walking clothes hangers laughed and laughed in front of my "green" eyes for I felt jealousy because they had what I didn't have. Day by day, I would pile my bedroom floor with useless magazines featuring models that looked like they were ready to fall apart. I personally did not admire these so called "raging beauties", but because the society that I lived in called these so called "raging beauties" the role model of "perfectionism"; my goals were basically to lose weight and become the clothes hanger that everyone admired. I was at a hefty weight of 185lbs
Just letting you know, drugs are at the least place you expect it to be and you could also relate this fact to people who did them. I seriously didn't want to go back yet there was my body aching for relaxation. Some may be shocked with hearing this from me but I'm sure there are others that could relate. Whenever I was stressed out, I would blame her yet she had the strength of the gohonzon to turn to. I sense that she fully doesn't trust me, even until now, but for once, I want to be her daughter forever, not just till I'm legal enough to go out. Being a high school drop out, I easily found a job. You could start from the porter potties to a luxury style bathroom. Being on the varsity tennis team and getting straight A's seemed pointless to me. Inside, I was still the 185lbs hefty little girl who had low self- esteem. I have finally found my only friend. at the height of 5'6"when my ego emerged. No matter how low the scale went and how bony my arms got, I did not feel thin. Chanting to be skinny seemed like a better option for me than exercising and eating carrot sticks. Even though I know that I'm not the "perfectionist" I love myself for me.
Common topics in this essay:
Bulimia Binging,
Identity Knowing,
LOVE DRUGS,
Maia Maybe,
lose weight,
ready fall,
ready fall apart,
self- esteem,
looked ready fall,
didn't home,
fairy tale,
finally found,
looked ready,
seriously didn't,
didn't care,
getting drugs,
close heart attack,
told mom loved,
walking clothes hangers,
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Acceptance Essays
