deat is a funny thing
Death is a funny thing. Not so much funny "ha-ha" but rather the kind of funny that says "I told you so". The death of a loved one is inevitable in ones lifetime, it happens to everyone. I remember thinking about death a lot after my mother would tuck me in bed at night. I'd lie there and go through little scenarios in my mind. I'd imagine my mother dieing and how terrible it would be. I'd think about my best friend suddenly losing his life and slowly convince myself that it happened and would end up crying myself to sleep. All of these thoughts were little fictional happenings in my brain that were probably not all that good to think about before I fell asleep, but a child's mind will wander. As I got older I actually had to deal with loved ones passing away. My mom would pick up the phone as it was ringing and I didn't have to hear anything that was said to know that someone had died. My mother would inhale sharply, bite her bottom lip and bunch up her face like little kids do right before they start bawling. She hang up the phone and I'd hug her immediately to both comfort her and to hide my own face. For some reason I could never cry immediately after I heard bad news but I felt guilty that I wasn't as sad as her.
She still lived her life the way she always had, not letting her weakened condition stop her from the usual rantings of an old Irish woman. Her once round face was now sunken in and gray. The faded, worn green carpeting, and the 1974 Zenith television with a random western movie flashing on the screen that had always been there. If you don't have to look something like death directly in the face its easy to rationalize things. I couldn't make myself say anything. My grandmother had obviously lost a lot of weight. She was still breathing yet it was obvious that she had no more life in here. This wasn't the death by telephone call that I had become so used to, this was real, this was face to face. His eyes were outlined in black, he was in dire need of a shave and as he extended his hand to shake mine it noticeably shook. I drew my breath in, bit my lip and could feel the corners of my mouth curve downwards. It was clear that she was in a lot of pain, every now and then she'd wince and say something to the effect of, "Oh lord. Everything was the same except this time I wasn't greeted by my grandmother. " The grin eventually disappeared from my face.
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