The director walked onto the stage, gingerly adjusting his radiation
             mask in order to fit the microphone beneath it. His nervous cough boomed
             through the hall. After shuffling the papers on the podium before him, he
             "Welcome ladies and gentlemen of the Pre-Apocalypse Archaeological
             Society. We have called this session to impart to you a matter of the
             utmost importance, a discovery of the highest order. As you are aware, our
             teams have only recently been able to sift through the debris of the razed
             cities of our belligerent predecessors, thanks to the efforts of our
             colleagues at the Physical Research Society who, with the aid of Allah,
             have made our task infinitely easier with the invention of a radiation suit
             which allows our field workers to work even in areas of the highest
             radiation concentration: the cities of what was formerly the United States
             of America. The discoveries are literally pouring in, and we have our
             hands full simply cataloguing the numerous finds. Our first find was a
             small rectangular object, containing a spool of thin ribbon, which one of
             our historians identified as what was known as a cassette. Simply put, it
             was a device on which sounds could be recorded. From its small size, our
             historian conjectured that it was of a type designed for recording the
             human voice rather than music. Armed with this belief, we managed to
             convince the Censor Society to allow us to reconstruct the primitive
             machine to play back the message we hoped it would contain. They agreed;
             on the condition that we did not do so until they had a chance to screen it
             for the negative influences that caused the downfall of the last corrupt
             civilization. They duly approved it and we are now ready for its first
             "Before we begin, I would like to explain some of the terms used in the
             recording, for those of you who lack the benefit of an historical training.
             The tape is eviden...