Review of the book Smart Dating
In the book Smart Dating, Donald Black examines ways to start and build a healthy relationship. He explores the areas of looking for dates, choosing the best date, and dating them. His most important points, which he stresses, are listening and showing that they are listening, the importance of nonverbal communication, and making the other person comfortable. Black has based his research on personal experience, book research, and from interviews from thousands of other people. Black relays the importance of communication in his book by saying, "Effective communication is critical to successful dating" (150). Listening is one point Black stresses regularly throughout the book. Listening to the other person not only makes someone a better person and a friend but also allows them to become a wonderful person in the eyes of others because of they are being supportive and attentive (46). Becoming an effective listener also makes relationship stronger (189). Listening allows people to know more about the person they are speaking with, reducing unpredictability if they were to go on a date with that person. To get to this point of getting the other to self disclose, people are suppose to ask questions and get the other person ta
If someone begins to know the person they are talking to then it lets them see if you like the person based on their attributes and personality (174-5). With social penetration theory he mentions deepening as the relationship goes on. Everything talked about keeps the other comfortable, which is the most important thing stressed throughout the book. This also shows if the other person is interested. He states that similar people attract each other (113). This brings about a comfortable relationship and a strong foundation (80). One he goes very in depth in is proxemics (145). If there is too much space then the person may not notice the other, yet if there is too little then they feel like you are intruding. It easily could have been shortened by a lot of pages, so it wastes a good amount of a person's time that wishes to undertake it. Holding hands and kissing are a different story, for if they are done too soon, as stated above, it can make the other feel uncomfortable and may ruin the beginning of the relationship (185). These include smiling, talking at a normal, conversational tones, speaking at a good sound level, and be courteous with your manners (145). Black says, "Limit it to a non-fancy, inexpensive dinner, at a not-too-far-out location. Throughout his writing clarification and agreeing seem to be the important parts of this step to him. The person should be asked in a comfortable way, not being pushy or overly aggressive (142).
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