There have been a lot of terrible tunes in the past, ranging everywhere from new wave pop, to 70’s disco, to some really bad 80’s metal. The 90’s succeeded in topping all of these with the creations of the pop princess, and the boy-band. Everyone knows the terror that ensues when a group of overworked and underpaid Applebee’s waitresses decide it’s time to embarrass you for the rest of your life. Nothing says “I Suck!” like Los Del Rio’s “Macarena”. Celine Dion stopped my heart and made me heave with “My Heart Will Go On”. Sonny and Cher’s “The Beat Goes On” made me feel like I’d been beaten to death after it was over. Ultimately though, the bowels of hell were built on the shoulders of a single man. Sisqo sucks, plain and simple, it just can’t be explained in any better words. I sat and pondered for many hours trying to derive the perfect phrase to begin this paper. In the end, I had to use “Sisqo sucks,” I felt that I was lying to myself if I used anything else. +”The Thong Song,” a late 90’s R&B ode to the g-string, is by far the worst song ever created. It sustains this position
. . .
Trust me, I’ve seen more than a few retarded monkeys in my day, but Sisqo is the crème de la crème. I believe it’s still playing in IMAX theatres for a low price of $39. I truthfully believe that the song is 38 minutes and 43 seconds long from start to finish, with two intermissions and closing credits. The song seemingly goes on till the end of eternity, as I fall forever through a spider web of retarded monkeys and hootchie-mommas. All the while being tortured by a retarded monkey with a twitch disorder, who calls himself “Sisqo. This may have some subliminal meaning like “she’s got a nice ass” somewhere in the rap-world’s dictionary, but all I can think of is a 400-pound truck driver with a “Leroy” nametag stumbling out of his usual Saturday night bathroom stall. with “Unleash the Dragon,” or whatever the fuck that CD’s called, I don’t really give a shit. Personally, I’d just like to see Bruce kick his sorry ass all over the floor. ” This is enough suck to last me for a whole year, but unfortunately enough he continues with “I think I’ll sing it again,” no… please don’t.
After watching this video, and a few others, I have concluded that Sisqo is a retarded monkey. For now, however, I’ll spiral downward into vast uncertainty, seeing visions of beautiful, nearly naked women with floss hanging out of their asses. It spirals down to a never-ending loop of “that thong th thong thong thong. “The Dragon” then topped record sales by manipulating the frail minds that 70% of the American public possess.
In conclusion, Sisqo sucks, there it is again. I can’t get it out of my head; one by one the Sisqo lemmings eat a piece of my brain.
Approximate Word count =
741
Approximate Pages =
3 (250 words per page double spaced)
Simply subscribe to view this paper, and 100,000 others.
| CREDIT CARD |
ONLINE CHECK |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
JOIN BY PHONE
|
|
|
