Examples of amae can also be found in Kafka's letters. Especially relevant in this context is a passage in a letter
to his fiance Felice Bauer (The Basic Kafka, pp. 286f) which he regarded as so important that he also noted it in
his diary and quoted it in a letter to his friend Max Brod, where he even proposes it as his epitaph.
The fact that Kafka copied this text twice shows how important it was to him. This is also indicated by the
expression "ultimate aim." It seems that Kafka here reveals an essential element of his view of life. Since he
takes the passage out of the context in two cases we may assume that he regards it as self-contained. Thus
one may interpret it without reference to the context.
In the first sentence, Kafka denies any highest moral authority ("a supreme tribunal") and any idea of absolute
moral values ("strive to be good"). Rather, and this he sees as "very much the opposite," he wants to be
"pleasing to everyone." What matters to him are not universal and absolute values but human relationships. This
is clearly opposed to the mainstream of the European tradition as it is for instance expressed in Kant's
categorical imperative ( "Act only on that maxim that you can at the same time will to be a universal law.") It
closely resembles, however, many elements of Japanese society and culture, especially in the context of amae
which is expressed in Kafka's wish to please everyone. In Japanese one could use here the term toriiru which
Takeo Doi lists among the vocabulary of amae. Kafka seems to allow the others to amaeru by responding to their
wishes but what he really wants is to be allowed to amaeru himself.
The psychology of amae is even more obvious in the following "to become so pleasing that in the end I might
openly act out my inherent baseness before the eyes of the world without forfeiting its love." Presuming upon
everyone's indulgence he wishes to behave ki-
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