let's talk about how i wnat so badly to be home right now. how i hate that college just gets in the way of everything and how this place can be such a fucking drag.
             because i swear, i'm barely alive and i feel complete miserable more often that not. and no matter how hard i try, i can't seem to shake this fever.
             but for 4 nights you were here and you have no idea how happy you made me. and each time, 6am came quicker than we knew it. so every morning i watched the faint sunlight slowly slip through the windows of this house as i fell asleep to you breathing. i wish you could've stayed. better yet, i wish i could've gone back home with you. we paced the wooden floorboards that line this front porch and you kissed me in the shadows created by the glow of the moon. and on the third night, i followed the string of streetlights as i walked through the rain just to see you. last night when the party was still alive, the dj played on indie song after another as a crowd of bodies danced to the words of broken love and everything in between. &i'm biting your bottom lip while you're gripping tightly on my hips. *"stop, you're making me smile." but baby, you're my beautiful chaos. your hands are making me incredibly weak and i'm starting to drift off you fingertips. &this time, i'm watching this slowly burn out as you walk away. i wish you didn't have to go. i need you, boy. but it's all over i'm losing myself in this heavy heart as the sounds of transatlanticism continue to ring in my ears. *the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row.*
             we're just too goddamn far apart. but i just don't want anyone else.
             &i almost wish i hadn't taken this jump with my eyes wide shut. i should've seen it coming, that it'd only kill me in the end. you've been the only thing that was ever right. &it couldn't even stand to last.
             ...