afraid of, and do so with complete honesty. In writing down the past events, which he has always avoided with certain uneasiness, he thinks perhaps that he can get some relief.
             He believes that his hyperconsciousness is a disease, because a nihilistic attitude has stopped him from feeling like he can be anything, 'neither spiteful nor good, neither scoundrel nor noble, neither hero nor an insect' (pg. xv). At one point he fantasizes about being a normal man, for example a loafer. He imagines that if he were simply lazy, he could live at ease and die triumphantly, demanding respect all along the way, persecuting anyone who did not show him respect, and people would recognize that he was good. But this he cannot do. As Peterson states, men are inclined to laziness to hide behind their customs and opinions, to avoid upsetting their neighbour, who
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