Ian Adelstein. That's what the nurse typed on my birth certificate, as instructed by my parents on a somewhat chilly day in February of 1980. With a bit of arrogance, I might add that the Thirteenth of February will be remembered for this insignificant act when one day my name will join the ranks of other great men; Forbes, Gates, Bundy (did I say Bundy?), Howard. Sounds plausible, doesn't it? You might be curious as to who Howard is. I can't expose everything, but it has a lot to do with my extremely evident Jewish last name and a never used middle initial, H.
             Born and raised here, in Brooklyn, NY, most of my life has been about as uneventful as that of a fruit fly. I'm sure I've had a few adventures and could share some grandiose tales with you, but as I find myself inevitably getting a little older and somewhat more mature, its easy to see that these adolescent wonders don't add up much to more than a few exciting first date diatribes. I've lived at 2548 East 12th Street for some 19 years and counting. We'd still be on Neck Road, but the twins were born shortly after I had fully established myself there at the ripe old age of 1. So we moved.
             I have been educated privately at various yeshivahs during my stay here on earth. Most people hear "yeshivah education" and assume I've got my frock coat and 15th century garb stowed in my shoulder bag. I'd say, proudly, that I am a modern orthodox Jew. I hang out with my friends, date (some would say profusely) and aside from the headgear, look just like everyone else at Brooklyn College. Most people also assume a yeshivah education is second rate. My Macroeconomics teachers at Flatbush would backslap you for a comment like that. Needless to say, I consider myself well educated and intelligent. If the first three paragraphs bare no trace of that then I should give up now.
             Most people will tell you that I never give up. I&apo...