exhausted, to carry on-"I would have ended my life-it was only my art that held me back. Ah, it seemed to me impossible to leave the world until I had brough forth all that I felt was within me. So I endured this wretched existence..." Realizing his own potential which he expressed earlier after the completion of the Second Symphony-"I am only a little satisfied with my previous works"-and in an 1801 letter-"I will seize Fate by the throat; it shall certainly not bend and crush me completely"- he decides to go on. At a time when Beethoven had reached the end of the musical challenge of the day, he also faced what seemed to him the end of hope in his personal life. In his Testament, death seems imminent-"With joy I hasten to meet death"-but hope and determination, though weak and unsure, are evident.
             In the Heiligenstadt Testament the composer comes to terms with his deafness and leaves what is beyond his control to what must be, trying to make a fresh start. It is quite evident that the Testament is filled with a preoccu
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