Death is a funny thing. Not so much funny "ha-ha" but rather the kind of funny that says "I told you so". The death of a loved one is inevitable in ones lifetime, it happens to everyone. I remember thinking about death a lot after my mother would tuck me in bed at night. I'd lie there and go through little scenarios in my mind. I'd imagine my mother dieing and how terrible it would be. I'd think about my best friend suddenly losing his life and slowly convince myself that it happened and would end up crying myself to sleep. All of these thoughts were little fictional happenings in my brain that were probably not all that good to think about before I fell asleep, but a child's mind will wander.
             As I got older I actually had to deal with loved ones passing away. My mom would pick up the phone as it was ringing and I didn't have to hear anything that was said to know that someone had died. My mother would inhale sharply, bite her bottom lip and bunch up her face like little kids do right before they start bawling. She hang up the phone and I'd hug her immediately to both comfort her and to hide my own face. For some reason I could never cry immediately after I heard bad news but I felt guilty that I wasn't as sad as her.
             That's how I viewed death. Just a simple phone call. I never had to witness anything, never saw someone suffer or anything like that. If you don't have to look something like death directly in the face its easy to rationalize things. You say things like "It was his time", "she was suffering so much", or "He's happier now." I've always been able to convince myself of things or of how I should feel about a certain situation. These phrases aided me in brushing off the grief that death brings to you.
             My Grandmother had been slowly deteriorating for the past five years. Old age had just hit her and everyone...