11.c.5.Wittenstein.Summer Fun Column
             Ah, the year is finally over. No more homework, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks. Ladies and Gentlemen, there are just ten days left until our freedom.
             Now, I know that after a couple of weeks, summer begins to drag on and become boring. Therefore, I have come up with a list of ten things that you could do over this summer to prevent the inevitable monotony. Please try this at home.
             1. Go to the swimming pool: Water fun is a great idea for any teenager...except for Kati Bainter. She got barred from Teach Out after numerous incidents involving loss of bladder control.
             2. Go the State Fair: Ferris wheels, corndogs and horse poop, oh my. Everybody loves to go the fair. Just watch where you step and bring an extra pair of shoes just in case.
             3. Take a trip to the zoo: No matter how old you are, or how mature you claim to be, the red-butted monkeys are still hilarious. Admit it.
             4. Buy some gas: Buy as much gas as you can, you need to stockpile for next summer, when prices are expected to be as high as $127-$130 a gallon.
             5. Play sports: Join a summer youth league, play on a sandlot team or maybe even start a neighborhood sports team. Well, maybe you should do something else, since the majority of sports are just "a bunch of fat guys who purposely run into each other and throw a weird-looking football," or "hit a ball with a stick and run in circles." Perhaps you could spend the summer writing letters to the editors about how important sports are.
             6. Stay home: Hey, there still is not substitute for air conditioning, soda pop and hours of Nintendo.
             7. Go to the library: The library has tons of great books and stories to entertain your mind for hours. Just leave the homeless guys and their musty copies of the Register to be in the corner.
             8. Summer school: Ah yes, the perennial favorite of many East attendees. The 125...