It has always been just my mom and I. There was never a really a strong father figure in my life since the day my dad left when I was just five years old. He just packed his bags and left, as simple as that, I never saw him ever again. I wasn't able to get to know him, didn't get to find out what kind of food he liked, the TV shows he watched or even if he ever loved me and my mom. I don't remember ever writing him a Father's Day card or feeling the warmth of his arms around me, I was too young to remember ever having his love, I don't remember much about him at all. To me he's a mere shadow, a fuzzy memory that never seems to fail to creep into my dreams and haunt me. I can't escape him he's everywhere, every father I see with his family having a picnic at the beach, in every couple that I see holding each other on the street. I watch them and can't seem to figure out just what I did wrong to not deserve that kind of love, the love from my father, the love from a man. My dad's face replaces the faces of every handsome face that I see, they become cruel, heartless monsters with no regard to the feelings and emotions of others, faces that could never love me.
             Growing up without a father has had a dramatic effect on my relationships with men. From the moment my dad stepped out the door that day and out of my life so did my hope for love, at that very moment he killed my Prince Charming and nothing can ever change that and no other guy since then has proved me wrong, yet.
             I've spent my life searching for someone to fill the emptiness in my heart, someone to love me like my dad never had. I've always been optimistic and eager to give my love to any guy who wanted it hoping that they'd give it back, but all that got me was a shattered heart and broken spirits. I was a magnet for bad boys, the kind that would treat me like trash and then just leav
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