"On Going Home" is an interesting look into a not so common American family. I have not heard of many families who have occupied the same land for seven generations. This situation causes a unique family dynamic. Yet, it seems like that dynamic is fading. The author is torn between her old life and her new one. The home she grew up in, her idea of home, did not carry into her new family. She is conflicted because she is trying to find meaning in her old home, but it is not home anymore. In her essay "On Going Home", Joan Didion is describing her view of home, only to find out she is not sure where home has gone.
             Didion has a unique attitude in regards to home. She seemed to have such a wonderful childhood. She lived on tons of open land. Her family was very close. She should look back on her childhood with fond memories. Yet, she does not. It is too painful for her to look back on those memories knowing that she would no longer have the same family dynamic she grew up with. Her family notices a change too. The whole family has become indifferent to their past and their heritage. Didion illustrates this when she writes, "Once home I mention the broken monuments in the graveyard. My mother shrugs."(141) The family has it's own plot. Generations of ancestors have been buried there. Most people would have strong emotional ties to this. They would want to preserve it. When Didion's family's graveyard is vandalized, her mother does not feel hurt or remorse, only indifference. Didion is also effected by this attitude. She writes, "That I am trapped in this particular irrelevancy is never more apparent to me than when I am home."(140) She feels that home is irrelevant. Everything she was brought up in bears no meaning anymore.
             Didion acts as if she fears the past. In one part of the story, she states, "Paralyzed by the neurotic lassitude engendered by me...