Unbearable Pressure: Suicide note, Janice Miriktani
             Many Asian-American parents push their children to succeed. Often their children feel the pressure is too much to handle. In some cases, as this young women feels the pressure of her parents has become too much for her. She feels as though she has disappointed her parents as she is not able to have a four point grade average.
             In her suicide note, this young Asian-American woman is apologizing to her parents for not working hard enough. She works hard but "not good enough". She apologizes for not being "strong enough, pretty enough or smart enough" She can not take the feel of disapproval and disappointment from her parents. She is not good enough for their love and support. They can not possibly be proud of a failure. She stands looking down at the snow covered gutter, with feelings of hated towards her self. She feels as if, she needs to end her life because she is not good enough to be alive. In truth she can not live with the disappointment.
             "If only I were a son . . . I would see the light in my mother's eyes, or the golden pride of my father's dream . . . drawing praises to me. . ." Maybe if she were a son she would be better in school and make her parents proud. If she were a boy she would be stronger, more hard working with strong "wide hands". She would be better off as a different person. She chooses to end her life, because she is not good enough.
             "This sparrow sillied and dizzied by the wind on the edge" She describes her self as being a bird not able to fly. She is looking out the window wanting to be a bird and fly, but is unable to. "I make the ledge my altar to offer penance" She has sinned and wishes to get forgiveness or her sins. She has sinned against her parents, and as punishment, she is going to jump. When she is dead she wants to be
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