I would love once and for all, take this junk and throw it out of my mind, body, and spirit, it has changed my ways of thinking, loving, and living, I can't express enough how I hope there is a valuable lesson in all of this. Why do people say junk? Well that is now exactly how I see it as JUNK! Everyone always asks and wonders in amazement why did you ever do it? I have seen the documentaries and movies about how addicting heroin is, but you really don't know until you experience the madness first hand. I think back and often wonder when and where did something go wrong? Did I miss something as a child, my mother often tells me I am living in a fantasy world, that I want to be a kid again. I analyze my life a play over the events that led up to this point from my first memory. My childhood wasn't the most perfect, but isn't what I would call completely dysfunctional. So I am not real sure when the milk went sour. Unfortunately heroin has been a big part of my life for the past 3 years, I have fought and struggled to keep my sanity. As mad as my family gets at me, I try to explain how difficult it is to break this vicious cycle, and try to learn how to live again, normally. You start out doing it because your friends are, because it's fun and it feels good, then the next thing you know you're having to do it everyday and you're running from a sickness that progressively gets worse the more you do it. Do I hold a familiarity or is it as my family says it your junkie friends? But I have disassociated myself with the people and the places that entertain this sort of behavior, and it is still just as hard to keep the thoughts out of my head. No one ever says when I grow up I want to be a junkie. This disease does not discriminate. I need to find something within me, within my spirit to change. I will continue to work at it and I will succeed.
             ...