Comic Monologue - The names Smith...Sherlock Smith
             What am I doing here at St. Oak's prison school? I should be out there in the real world fighting crime. PC Evans of St. Oak's Police who really works for MI6 even said to me once "you av eagle eyes you do". That time I helped him find his handcuffs. He said i should be on the force because they need someone like me blessed with many special gifts. Like having eagle eyes not human ones.
             I have already solved many of the world's crimes, like attempted kidnap of my cat Alfie and also just across the road I have discovered what I thinks to be Al-Ki-Eeda terrorists in number 14 and my intelligence sources tell me they have nuclear bombs in their basement ready for deployment.
             All the kids in my class aint as innocent as they seem. Like the so called babe with red hair called Jessica Simpson. What an ape! She has been taking young lads a bit older than me behind the playing fields at lunch to kiss them. They never come back the same. These guys have not yet reached maturity and don't understand that girls are completely evil and should be terminated from this planet because their existence is furtile.
             Opposite me is Ronald Tucker. Fat little piggy with glasses that would eat anything if he could get his hands on it. He is a bit of a know it all and valuable intelligence who can be tempted with chocolate to get information. He was on holiday in the desert during the gulf war when he was a just a small kid and they were taken hostage and tortured and stuff. They were rescued by Rambo who at the time was working for the British government. So he has had a hard life so we try to go easy on him.
             Of staff there is Mr. Appleby who is the caretaker at St. Oak's. Used to be a marine now terrorist based here. It's almost certain he has bombs, machine guns and alls sorts down in his cellar underneath the lunch hut.
             I only have one person I share m...