er." His favorite saying was "things have a way of working themselves out." Christopher always said that I was strong-willed, but dear God! I cannot be strong right now. He was my strength. I don't know that I really knew that until right now, but he was my strength.
             I should not be mourning. I had fifty-six years with a wonderful man who loved me very much. I should be grateful, not sad. What is wrong with me? Why can't I pick myself up and get out of this rut? I am so tired. Betty, from Bridge Club, called and wants me to meet with the ladies next week. She says that they all miss me on Monday nights (miss winning is all). Most of the ladies who go to the Center are widowed too, but they seem to handle their loss so much better. Didn't they love their husbands as much as I loved Christopher? Yes, of course they did. It's just me. I need to be stronger. I just wish I wasn't so tired.
             I feel so angry. I am overwhelmed with the details of my life that Christopher used to handle. Taking out the trash, locking the house, paying the bills, calling repair people...who can remember all of this? I have to take a taxicab everywhere I go, and this has been the most difficult adjustment for me. Christopher always drove us everywhere. I sometimes wish that he had taught me to drive, this would have made things so much easier now. I wish that I had known he was going to die. No, no...I shouldn't think such things. It's just that we planned for the financial security of his death, but I never knew that it would be so difficult to do the everyday things. For fifty-six years my husband has looked after certain details of my life, and now, he is gone. I am so frustrated because I feel so utterly helpless. Yesterday, I couldn't even reach the oregano in the spice cupboard! I had to stand on a chair to retrieve it. In the past, Christopher would always get the thi...